- Starting weight: 225 lbs
- Weight at beginning of week 11: 208 lbs
- Weight at end of week 11: 211 lbs
Normally, I would have had my Nutrisystem update written by yesterday, but something inside of me kept wanting to stall. I don’t know if it’s my lack of discipline this past week or what, but I’m actually glad I waited. Last weekend, a friend and I took my son out to reward him for drastically improving his grades. We told him he could pick where we ate and then we’d go bowling. He chose this bar and grill that we’ve gone to for years. It’s a place that I grew up going to and I love their food, however, they had nothing even remotely healthy on the menu. This isn’t a place that has grilled chicken or salads. They have fried bar foods and hamburgers. I ended up caving in and eating my favorite of theirs – fried chicken wings. After that, it was a downward spiral. I didn’t eat my Nutrisystem for several days. Every time I ate something that wasn’t part of my Nutrisystem diet, I would feel horribly guilty and would almost throw up. I just couldn’t help it – I love food so much, and it had been a long time since I’d had the foods I love. I feel like being deprived of those foods just made it worse for me. When I chose to eat them, I didn’t do it in moderation.
Then, last night, I caught a rerun of MTV’s “True Life: I Can’t Stay Thin”. The young girl they followed reminded me so much of myself. She would try different diets and would lose weight fast but never keep it off. Near the end of the program, she started Nutrisystem. She had success for the first several weeks, and felt as I do that the food is pretty good and very convenient. Then, when she went on Spring Break, she would get her Nutrusystem meal out and sit down across from her family eating fried or fatty but great tasting foods, and she would choose not to eat her Nutrisystem and eat the other food instead. I related to her SO much! I can’t sit at a table eating my Nutrisystem meal (which is good, but not what I would choose to eat) and then watch the people around me really enjoy what they’re eating and not worry about it. I feel like this program is really all-consuming. I think about food all day, whether it’s what I wish I could eat, what I can’t eat, what I did eat that wasn’t what I wanted to eat, or what I ate that I shouldn’t have. When I do cheat, I feel so guilty that I’m worried it might turn into something bad, like an eating disorder. I never want to feel so bad about myself and what I ate that I turn to purging. I’m at a really difficult place in my life to start with, and thinking about my weight and food all of the time is just adding to the depression. I wish there were some happy medium where I could eat the not-as-good-for-me-foods occasionally but on a regular basis so that when I get a craving I can fulfill it without pigging out and going overboard because it’s been so long. I haven’t really found a place in the Nutrisystem plan that allows for me to eat those foods that I crave, so when I fall off the wagon, I fall hard. Oh well, another week gone, a few more pounds put on. I’ll just keep praying that this next week goes better for me and I can stay on track.